Last Legs

From Dec. 21, 2007

For the first time I really understand the phrase, “He’s on his last legs.” Winston’s hind legs (and whole hind end) are no longer functioning properly. He gets up with tremendous effort using mostly his front legs. His hind feet kind of drag when he walks. Sometimes he curls his paw under and stands on the wrong side of his toes. His hind legs collapse under him if he gets bumped or -- as still happens -- if he gets excited and starts dancing in a circle. Then he becomes like a whirling dervish, spinning around with his muscular front legs while his butt stays on the floor.

Winston is definitely a “senior” dog with age-related health problems. Almost every day brings a new loss. Today when we let him out he started peeing on the porch as he walked to the grass -- he couldn’t hold it any longer. And when he stopped to pee on a walk, he kept peeing even after he started walking again, as if he couldn’t stop. None of this ever happened before.

My friend Deb came and brought the Christmas tree -- and great joy! We were all glad to see her, including Winston. But once again he wasn’t his usual patient gentle self. When he kissed her, she cried out in pain because somehow he caught his tooth on her lip. (It didn’t draw blood.) And when we posed for a photo with me holding a dog biscuit, it didn’t create his usual “cute look,” but rather a crazed expression that made me fear he would snap at me, so I quickly gave it to him.

Deb and I walked Winston around the neighborhood. I haven’t been strong enough to do that with them… ever since I met Deb almost 6 years ago. It was either Deb and Winston or Deb pushing me in the wheelchair.

It’s hard to accept that as I get stronger, Winston gets weaker, that our paths are diverging. It doesn’t seem fair that he stayed home with me for so many years while I slowly regained the ability to walk, and now that I am strong enough to walk him, it’s almost too late for Winston. It doesn’t seem fair that he had wait behind in the house, howling, while I took short walks until I was strong enough to hold him on the leash again. I promised him that I was doing it so I could get strong enough for us to walk together again. The dream of walking Winston again is part of what inspired me to keep trying to heal, against the odds and despite the difficulties.

Well, at least I did start walking Winston again this summer -- beginning on July 12, to be exact. So we have this special time together in his elder years.

Deb watched him walking today and judged that he is not in pain, but that there is nerve damage due to hip dysplasia. She has a lot of wisdom from years of working with dogs.

“For your sake, I wish he could keep going forever,” she said. “The thing to remember now is that he had a great life.”

“Yes, we had lots of adventures together. And even when we weren’t having adventures, we were together almost all the time.”

“That’s the main thing,” Deb said.