Healing vision: Two dogs

I had a breakthrough in healing my pet-loss grief. It seems like ever since my dog Winston died two and a half months ago, I have been overcome with longing for a new dog almost every night when I go to bed.

This time it was like I could feel a dog’s presence curled up beside the bed where Winston used to sleep. I tried to sense whether it was Winston or the new dog, the one that we hope to adopt soon.

Then the imaginary dog separated into two dogs. Winston stayed curled beside my bed, and the new dog moved outside and sat looking at me through the screen door.

For the first time I could separate my eagerness to get a new dog from my desire to be with my old dog Winston again. My overwhelming, insatiable longing for a dog became more manageable as I explored whether it was mostly about Winston or about the new dog. The most intense feelings were about Winston. But the new dog also evoked strong emotions.

I used to believe that the new dog would somehow be Winston in a new body. Now I feel that the new dog will be a stranger. And that’s OK. We will build a new relationship, have new adventures, and grow together in new ways.

I slept better with the image of the two dogs in my mind. For the first time since Winston died, I dreamed about dogs.