I saw the real Rainbow Bridge

I think of this as the Rainbow Bridge

I’ve seen the legendary “Rainbow Bridge,” where dogs are said to wait after death for their owners to join them. I was missing Winston a lot recently, so I tried to imagine him at the Rainbow Bridge. This time I could imagine it really clearly!

At first I was surprised at my power of imagination. Then I figured out that I was remembering an actual place. It’s a bridge leading to a beautiful dog park next to a river. I call it the River Park. Many people let their dogs run free there in the late afternoon. I go there every other day with my new dog, and he loves romping with the other dogs there.

The main entrance to the River Park is a bridge from the parking lot into the grassy park. I took Winston there a few times in his lifetime, and I’ve walked over that bridge countless times with my new dog, but I never connected it with the Rainbow Bridge until now.

I often think of the River Park as my vision of what heaven is like: dogs playing happily in nature as the river flows by. I always feel calm and happy there. It’s empty in the afternoon. At dusk the right people and dogs show up as if by magic. Sometimes a Great Blue Heron flies over and perches in a tree or walks elegantly on the grass. After sunset everyone goes their separate ways… until we meet again.

Recently I even saw an actual rainbow near the bridge, but I still didn’t think of it as the Rainbow Bridge where Winston’s spirit awaited me. Then it hit me.

I decided to tell Dillon. “I realized something. Remember the Rainbow Bridge?”

Bang! Suddenly, right when I said the words “Rainbow Bridge,” the power went out! Wow, what a statement from the spirit world!

Within a few minutes, the power blinked back on. No harm done, just confirmation of a powerful truth from the energy fields around us.

That afternoon when I look my new dog to the River Park, I thought of Winston as we crossed the Rainbow Bridge. And I found a lucky four-leaf clover in the grass there.

I took some photos of this special, healing place to share with people who visit this blog.

Click here for more info on the Rainbow Bridge.

Dog at the end of the Rainbow Bridge

Winston can’t be far away

Me and Winston... nothing can separate us

I am comforted by the thought that Winston’s spirit must be nearby. In life he used to follow me from room to room, never leaving me alone. Even when he couldn’t walk, he would drag himself around to follow me. Why would he be any different after death? That was part of the very essence of who he was.

My new dog is so independent that I sometimes feel rejected. It makes me appreciate Winston’s desire to be near me. Nothing, not even death, can keep Winston away. His spirit is still with me. Forever.

Winston wants me to go on

Winston kissing me... one of our last photos together

One idea has helped me move on now that my dog Winston is gone. It’s this: He would want me to keep going.

Winston would want me to keep walking on the park trails that we loved to walk together -- and even explore new trails with our new dog. He would want me to keep enjoying the scents of fresh grass and mustard flowers, the warm sunshine, the crunch of the earth beneath my feet, the songs of birds and crickets.

Winston never missed an opportunity to go for a walk. As long as he had breath, he enjoyed life. Nothing stopped him from living his life to the full, and he would not approve if I let my love for him stop me from living my life fully.

So I go on. It’s what Winston would want.

Winston calendar celebrates his life

I just finished putting together a 2009 calendar with the best photos of Winston -- and some other cute dogs and cats in my life (including Sapphire).

I did my first pet-photo calendar last year as a Christmas gift to family and friends… and as a way to honor Winston as his health was failing last December. The calendar was a big hit with everyone, so I’m doing it again. This year I'm also making it available for sale online. Check out the ad below.

Working on the calendar helps me continue processing my grief over Winston’s death, and to celebrate his life and remember the many good times we shared. Giving the calendar to people is also a joyful, personal way to connect with my “dog friends.”

Almost everyone who sees it wants to make one of their own and asks how I did it. Follow the Zazzle.com links for more info.

All dogs and cats in this calendar are real pets, photographed with their real companions, in or near their real homes. See cute puppies and kittens, dogs of all shapes and sizes… Great Danes, Lab, Dachshund, Beagle mix and more. Made with love.

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Grief for old dog blinds me to new pup

My grief over Winston’s death has been blinding me to my new pup’s needs. After the pet loss support group, I had a breakthrough. A few days after processing my built-up Winston grief, it dawned on me that maybe the new pup can’t see well out of one eye. It explains a lot of his behavior quirks.

The realization that the pup may be visually impaired had a heartwarming effect on me. I finally feel that he does need me. And I also feel that he may have many other qualities that I have not yet noticed, unexpected gifts that will enrich our lives.

Chuck is back!

Sweet Dane mix is ready for a good home

Chuck is available again -- under the name Shaka. He’s a sweet Dane mix in the Los Angeles North Central Animal Shelter, which is known for putting many unwanted dogs to sleep.

I almost adopted Chuck last spring. I came across a new listing for him a few days ago when I was looking for the Dane photo in my last post.

Chuck stole my heart last spring and I wrote a post about him called “Great Dane mix Chuck charms us.” But he’s five years old, and we thought that we wanted a young dog. Somebody else adopted Chuck, and we adopted a purebred Great Dane puppy. But I often thought back to sweet old Chuck, and wondered what might have been.

He’s listed as a Dane-Dalmatian mix, but I think he’s a Dane-Collie mix, with very soft lamb-like fur and a slender Collie snout. He’s only 83 pounds, quite a bit smaller than a purebred Dane. He’s already neutered and seems perfectly healthy.

I went to see him again over the weekend. (I must be crazy!) He was scared at first, but he became his friendly self again when an attendant took him out of his kennel to meet me. “He’s an escape artist,” the attendant said. He explained that he had been picked up three more times by L.A. Animal Services, and his new owners relinquished him because “they got tired of bailing him out.” Visiting Chuck somehow helped ease my grief over Winston.

I would like to make sure that Chuck finds a home, and is not euthanized -- which is a real possibility. He’s in the Los Angeles North Central Animal Shelter, which is known for putting many unwanted dogs to sleep. If you’re interested, his ID# is A0939560, and you can call (888) 452-7381 for info.

Grief hits 8 months after dog died

Winston at his prime in 1999, when he was 3 years old

I had a meltdown last week, crying uncontrollably because I missed my dog Winston so much, about 8 months after he died.

The crisis was triggered by my new puppy’s misbehavior on a walk. We were walking past the house where one of his favorite dog-friend’s lives. At least, I was walking past. The pup stopped and refused to keep going. He’s a Great Dane puppy and at five months old he’s already too big for me to force him against his will if he gets really stubborn. I tried every recommended training technique, but in the end I’m sorry to report that I lost my temper and yelled at him. Naturally it didn’t do any good, just scared him. Somehow I managed to pull hard enough to get him moving again.

When we got home I started crying: “I’ll never have a friend like Winston to walk with me!” I couldn’t help thinking of how much better Winston acted on walks. Winston never refused to keep walking, and always had a grateful, upbeat attitude. I had been trying not to compare my new dog to Winston, but a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I had to admit to myself that I have not gotten over the grief of Winston’s death. I even considered returning the new pup to his breeder because I couldn’t handle him.

That night I ended up going to the online chat group at PetLoss.com. The people there are lifesavers! I get especially great support from the “wolves” there -- regular participants with “wolf” in their nicknames. They come to help others while they themselves are still hurting from the loss of a beloved animal.

I went online to the pet loss chat group without resting as I should. And I stayed online for much longer than my body could handle. I ended up getting sick with tonsillitis. But I needed a place to process the grief, and they saved me from dangerously intense grief.

Some especially useful ideas from that night:

• ABSOLUTELY MOST USEFUL IDEA: When Princeton acts up, think about how I would have handled it if Winston did the same thing.

• After they die, our old dog sends us the new dog that they know will need us or will help us smile or that will comfort us. (So Winston picked out the wild new pup for me!)

• I’m not dishonoring Winston by loving the new pup. The old dog may even choose a new pup who is extremely different just so we won’t feel guilty for loving the new one in the same way.

• Sometimes we just have to blow off steam when the new dogs drive us nuts and then go back fresh the next day.

• “Those tears you still find glistening in your eyes for Winston are but a reflection of the love you share with him. The love for this new boy will shine in your eyes one day, but it will never replace that love for Winston.”

• “Amazing thing about a heart is that it will expand to capture all the love it can. You can love your lost baby to bits and yet also love a new baby that needs you.”

It’s been hard for me to see that the new pup needs me. He’s much more self-sufficient and independent than Winston. In addition, his breeder has a lifetime guarantee that if we ever can’t take care of him, we must return him to the breeder and she will make sure that he has a good home for the rest of his life. This is certainly a great lifetime protection for the pup, but it kind of has the reverse effect on me, making me question myself and wonder whether the pup would be better off with somebody else.

When the new pup acts up, it really helps to think, “What if Winston did this?” For example, when I was leash-training Winston, I used a long (25-foot) leash at first. With the new pup, I had always used the 6-foot leash. Now I use the long leash sometimes with the new pup, and he’s much happier on our walks.

The grief didn’t end there. I’m writing a series of posts about other steps I took to handle my grief explosion.

Winston, I still miss you

I’ll always remember Winston like this

I couldn’t help thinking of my dear departed Great Dane mix Winston last week when I was lying next to my new Dane puppy in the hallway. Winston used to lie in that same spot. I really missed my old Winston. I wished I had spent more time just lying next to him and snuggling after he became paralyzed and incontinent, instead of wasting precious time and money on a fruitless search for a cure. I know so many things now that I didn’t know before my dog died.

These are things that I learned because Winston died: That every breath is precious. That for me, having a dog makes life worth living. That taking care of Winston in his last weeks was not preventing me from living my life -- it WAS my life, and after my dog was gone, there was nothing else that I wanted to do except get another dog. That there are support groups online and at the Humane Society to provide emotional support for people whose dogs are dying. That I am stronger than I knew.

I learned these things because my dog Winston died. I would have handled it differently if I knew then what I know now, but his death was the only way I could have learned these hard truths. They are Winston’s gift to me, and I believe that teaching me these truths was part of his life purpose.

I’ve also learned that his death would have been just as hard even if I had handled it differently. Everyone at the pet loss support group wishes they had made different choices, but those who did choose differently have just as many regrets. I know that Winston was ready to go, and that his spirit rejoiced when it was set free to soar to the stars.

As I was thinking all this, the wind blew through the trees -- a sound that used to terrify Winston until the day before he died, when he listened to the wind without fear for the first time. He seemed to sense that he could become the wind. Some music started playing from next door, and the lyrics seemed to echo from Winston to me, and back again. “I miss you, I love you…”

That day my new puppy and I bonded. After 2 months of seemingly endless bite-fights, we could finally lie down on the floor together and rest. I love my new puppy, and the personality differences between him and Winston help me appreciate Winston in new ways, too.

The new pup is a purebred who was raised like royalty. He had never set foot outside until he joined our family at 8 weeks old. He is comfortable in crates and on leashes. He retreats to another room to sleep when he is tired. He likes dogs better than most people, and assumes that humans will love him. He has never known want or neglect. He takes everything for granted -- sometimes to the point of seeming like a spoiled brat -- but on the other hand, he has no insecurities about his future. Of course, he is still a puppy, so he will grow in wisdom.

In contrast, Winston came to us as a one-year-old street dog who had been abandoned by previous owners. He loved people and tried to win over every person he met, almost always with great success. He always showed gratitude for his life with us. The flip side was that he never trusted completely that this was his forever home. He couldn’t bear to be alone, even if we were just in another room. He had phobias, including major fear of confinement. I still have emotional scars from seeing the terror and misery and sense of betrayal on his face the first time we put him in a kennel. His fears eased during his years with us, but his gratitude and eagerness to please remained.

There’s been an almost complete turnover in the dog population of our neighborhood. Almost all the dogs who filled Winston’s life with fun and adventure are dead and gone. Only three of his original buddies remain, and all of them are stiff, grouchy and grizzled with old age.

Winston’s best friend was a female Pit Bull who lived across the street. Now Winston and his Pit Bull buddy are both in Dog Heaven, but our new puppy just found a new dog friend living down the street -- a female Pit Bull, the same as Winston’s best friend. My spirits soared as I saw the two dogs chasing and wrestling each other, just like Winston used to do with his old best friend. I felt that their spirits rejoiced and raced with the two new friends, another Dane boy and Pit Bull girl. Life goes on.

Here is my letter to Winston today:

Winston, I will always love you. Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me so much. No other dog will ever be quite like you.

I wish you could meet our new puppy. I know that you would love him -- and teach him a few lessons in dog etiquette, too!

I will love other dogs in other ways, but no other dog can ever take your place in my heart. I will never forget the way you looked at me, grateful and eager to please -- until the very end.

A friend told me that dogs don’t live as long as humans because, if it were the other way around, dogs couldn’t bear the grief and loneliness. I know that in your case, that’s true. You and I are always together in spirit.

You have gone down a trail where I cannot yet follow, but someday our journey will come full circle. We are still connected, and our paths will cross again.

New Great Dane puppy is here

Our new Great Dane puppy is here! He is cuter than cute, and we love him so much! He’s also full of mischief. One of our nicknames for him is Baby T-Rex because he loves to open his mouth wide and chew with his sharp baby teeth.

We’re struggling with how to manage him in the house. We tried to puppy-proof before he arrived, but we had a lack of imagination. He gets into EVERYTHING whenever he is awake. Yesterday I started keeping him tied on the leash a lot in the house. He’s more respectful, but he’s learning to hate the leash and to pull hard, so I don’t think that works. Tonight I pulled out a screen from a window and will try using it to block him in the hallway when I’m in my home office. I know I could just put him in the crate in the bedroom, but it seems wrong for him to be lonely there and me to be lonely here. The Dane-size crate is too heavy to move. The pup just needs a safe place to chew his toys for a while and fall asleep, a place that doesn’t demand my constant supervision so I can get some writing work done.

He’s 2 months old and in the midst of the critical period for puppy socialization, which lasts until 4 months old. So I will cut back on blogging so I can spend more time interacting with my puppy. I will probably start a whole new blog about the new puppy. I’ll let this one stand in honor of Winston.

I will probably not link this blog with my new blog, so if you want to continue following my adventures with my dog, please email me and I will send you info on the new blog. My email address is: LynwoodAssoc at aol.com.

Thanks to all those who visited, commented and enjoyed this blog.

Deposit on Dane pup

The high school kid next door suggested that I search for puppies on PennySaver.com. He was right! A super-cute litter of Harlequin and Merle Great Danes had just been born and listed.

I started visiting their website every few days to watch as the pups got bigger. It tugged at my heart as the cutest Harlequins got sold one by one. I showed the site to Dillon, but she wasn’t interested. We were too focused on adopting an adult dog. She told me that she didn’t think she could handle a puppy.

That all changed after we tried working with a rescue group. The rules were picky and sometimes crazy. Like this one: We were required to bring an imprinted tag to our adoption appointment saying “Needs medication,” even though it wasn’t true. The purpose was to discourage others from keeping our dog if he got lost.

And -- the adoption fees were almost as high as buying a Great Dane puppy. I kept doing research and learned that most reputable breeders want you to return the Danes to them if you can’t keep them, so that they will never end up in a rescue group or shelter. That meant that the Danes at the rescue were likely to be from careless breeders.

Dillon’s objections to training a puppy melted away when I reminded her of the obvious: They’re a lot smaller than adult dogs.

We looked at my favorite breeder’s website again with growing excitement. We filled out the online adoption application. It seemed easy because we had already done answered these questions before at the Humane Society and the rescue. We clicked the “submit” button and within an hour the breeder called us.

We hit it off right away on the phone. We said that we wanted to choose our puppy based on personality: “We’re looking for a male Merle or Harlequin Great Dane who is friendly, loving, tuned into people, and has a gentle, submissive temperament. We look forward to welcoming a new “big boy” into our home and hearts!”

One pup fit the bill: A cuuuuute merle mantle male. I also liked the looks of one Harlequin pup, but he was the runt of the litter with very low energy. The breeder said that she had already gotten four calls about him that day. Dillon and I got off the phone to discuss our decision. It wasn’t hard: We decided to adopt the merle.

We called right back and sent our deposit!

Now we have to wait until our puppy is eight weeks old in late June. Then he’ll be old enough to leave his mom and littermates. Meanwhile, the breeder is sending us weekly updates with photos of how our puppy is progressing.

Dog group rescues Gentle Giants

Gentle Giants Rescue photo

We’ve been thinking about adopting a Great Dane from Gentle Giants Rescue and Adoption, a huge dog rescue operation in southern California.

They specialize in Giant breeds, especially Danes. In a surprising Hollywood twist, it’s run by Burt Ward, the actor who played Robin in the Batman TV series of the 1960s.

Their website features a delightful video that Dillon and I have watched many times. The best part is when “the herd” comes out to meet PBS reporter Huell Howser. He’s surrounded by dozens of huge, friendly dogs -- Danes, St. Bernards, Mastiffs, Great Pyranees, Newfoundlands, Borzois, in every shape and color. For me, it’s like an image of what heaven must be like. Click here to watch the video -- it’s a must-see.

Whenever I use Petfinder.com to look for Great Danes, almost all of the nearby ones are at Gentle Giants.

Some aspects of Gentle Giants are making us hesitate. Their fees are almost as high as buying a new Dane puppy. They have a lot more complicated rules than most dog adoption places and breeders.

There’s a whole big website called GentleGiantsNews.com that is “dedicated to discovering and exposing the truth about Gentle Giants Rescue.” Their testimonials from adopters are truly awful and the Wards sued them for defamation. I certainly don’t believe everything I read on the Net, but it does make me wonder why somebody set up such a site.

We might go check out Gentle Giants in person. Meeting “the herd” alone would be worth the trip. And we might find a new Gentle Giant to fill our hearts.

Great Dane mix Chuck charms us

Chuck, a cool Great Dane - Dalmatian mix

Dillon and I went to meet Chuck at the nearby city animal shelter just for fun recently. Chuck was billed as a “Great Dane/Dalmatian” mix -- and for once, the dog really did seem to be part Dane as promised. Although I thought he seemed more like a Harlequin Great Dane and Collie mix.

When I approached his kennel, Chuck stayed back in his doghouse until I called his name. He seemed pleasantly surprised by the enthusiasm in my voice and the fact that I had stopped just to see him. He came slowly to meet me with a sweet, gentle look in his eyes, very much like my dear departed Dane-Lab mix Winston. Chuck was very gentle, and not over-eager to get acquainted. After a few minutes, he offered me a small dog kiss through the fencing. Then he let me pet his ears. His fur was much softer than Winston’s! He felt like a lamb.

Chuck is 5 years old. Dillon wants to get a younger dog, so that we’ll have more healthy years together with our next dog. Chuck’s other downside is that he needs training. He didn’t even respond to “Sit!” Later I realized that he might have been trained in Spanish, since we live in a an area with many Spanish-speaking neighbors. I should have tried, “Sentado!”

It might not be easy to train a 90-pound older dog, but then again Chuck did seem eager to please. Perhaps the biggest drawback is that Dillon and I both have busy schedules this month, so we need to wait longer before bringing home a new dog. We want to see several Danes or Dane mixes before making a decision. Still, I really liked Chuck’s loving, gentle personality and his BIG presence.

I actually met the shelter worker who took the above photo of Chuck. He said he tried hard to take a good photo of Chuck because he’s such a good dog. I understand that somebody adopted him not long after our visit.

P.S. on Oct. 17, 2008
Chuck is available again -- under the name Shaka! He’s in the Los Angeles North Central Animal Shelter, which is known for putting many unwanted dogs to sleep. If you’re interested, his ID# is A0939560, and you can call (888) 452-7381 for info. I don’t think I can resist going back to see him.

Video honors a truly Great Dane

I love this video memorial to a Harlequin Great Dane. I don’t personally know the people or dog involved, but still the video speaks to my heart and to the loss I feel over my dog Winston. He looked and acted a lot like Amira, the Dane in this video.

The video’s winter scene is one of my favorite parts. Living in LA, I never got to take Winston to snow country, but now I can picture him there… or romping in the white clouds of dog heaven.

The video includes Sarah McLaughlin’s haunting song, “I will remember you” and this famous poem (poet unknown):

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Amen to that!

Click here for more info on the poem.

Click here to visit the YouTube site for the video

I’ll ALWAYS be Winston’s mom

Happy Days with me and Winston, summer 2006

Today I really miss my Great Dane mix Winston, who died in mid-February.

I felt sad at the thought that I am no longer a dog owner or, as people sometimes called me, “Winston’s mom.”

Then it hit me: I will ALWAYS be Winston’s mom. He was my Big Boy for almost 11 years until his death. Nothing can take that away from me. I am Winston’s mom forever!

Then I looked back at my photos of Winston -- both the good times (pictured above) and his last days when he was very, very sick. It actually helped to look at both periods. In my mind, I had forgotten how sick Winston was at the end, and so I started blaming myself for not keeping him alive longer. But in the photos I saw that look in his eye, the look that said he was ready to go… It gave me a sense of peace that I almost never feel anymore, not since Winston died.

Winston, I miss you! I remember all the fun we had together! I will always be your mom!

Backyard breeders vs. reputable breeders

I enjoy looking for Great Dane puppies online.

It’s hard to find a top-notch reputable breeder with puppies available. (One of the criteria of “reputable” is that they don’t breed all the time, but let their females rest between litters.) We’re going to go to an American Kennel Club (AKC)-approved dog show to try to meet some reputable Dane breeders.

Meanwhile, I do enjoy looking at the Dane puppies for sale now in my area through PennySaver.com. Some of these seem to come from “backyard breeders,” but they sure are cute!

In addition to breeding less frequently, the reputable breeders do various medical tests to screen against medical problems such as hip dysplasia. After Winston’s experience with hip dysplasia, I’m all for that! They also show their dogs regularly in competition, raise the puppies in a home environment, and do a lot of research to balance the pedigrees of father and mother dogs before mating. Reputable breeders take a lifetime interest in their dogs and will help with any problems that ever arise.

The opposite is the “backyard breeder.” There’s a lot of material on the web attacking the backyard breeders. Click here for an example. I can’t tell how much of it is exaggerated accusations from the “reputable” breeders. To hear them tell it, the backyard breeders mate their Danes carelessly and often with whatever Dane happens to be nearby -- even if they aren’t AKC registered -- causing untold health damage to the resulting pups.

Is it really that dangerous to breed outside the AKC-approved box? I don’t know. When I was growing up, we got a poodle from a backyard breeder, and she was fine. But that was in the Seventies, many doggie generations ago.

I feel a bit intimidated by the reputable breeders with all their rules. When Dillon and I met some Dane breeders at a dog show years ago, they were horrified by the very existence of our dog Winston -- living proof that a Harlequin Great Dane had been allowed to mate with a Labrador Retriever! However, his disreputable pedigree didn’t prevent him from being a fantastic companion. Perhaps a mixed breed has a better chance at good health than a careless mating of two purebred.

One thing’s for certain: There sure is a big price difference for the puppies, with “backyard breeders” may offer Dane pups for about $500, while some “reputable” ones may charge $1,200 and sometimes $4,000 for a dog with “show quality” coloring.

Calling all Danes!

Chuck, a cool Great Dane - Dalmatian mix

Every day I search for Great Danes on Petfinder.com.

It’s a fantastic website for locating specific breeds available from nearby pet adoption groups. As I write this, they have 253,486 adoptable pets from 11,300 groups all over the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

There are usually about 25 Great Danes or Great Dane mixes in my area. Many look like they really are Danes, too -- not Pit Bulls who were labeled Danes by overzealous people trying to find them a home.

As I watch the ever-changing array of dogs, I wonder where they came from and where they are going. The time hasn’t come for me to meet my own special Dane yet, but I enjoy looking online at all these big dogs and wondering about their stories.

Above is Chuck, one of my current favorites from afar. He's billed as a Dane-Dalmatian mix. I’d like to help this big boy find a home. Click here for more info on Chuck and how to adopt him.

P.S. on Oct. 17, 2008:
Chuck is available again -- under the name Shaka. He was adopted back in April but now he’s in the Los Angeles North Central Animal Shelter, which is known for putting many unwanted dogs to sleep. If you’re interested, his ID# is A0939560, and you can call (888) 452-7381 for info.

Great Dane hunt

I woke up and found two panicky messages on my answer machine: A Great Dane mix needed a home!

The dog’s owner had gone into drug rehab and a friend was desperately trying to find someone to adopt the dog. My vet had referred them to me.

Dillon and I got sucked into this drama. Our longing for a Great Dane mix like Winston overcame all our misgivings -- even after the man on the phone described the dog as equal parts Pit Bull, Boxer and Great Dane. He also warned us that the dog had been abused. We drove over to meet the dog that afternoon. At least it wasn’t far.

When we got near the dog’s temporary home, we saw a sign marked “Winston Street” with an arrow pointing the other way. It proved to be an omen.

There was nothing wrong with the dog, except that he was nothing like what we expected or wanted. He looked like a regular Pit Bull and Boxer mix to me, without an ounce of Great Dane. He was much smaller than Winston. What really bothered me is that he wouldn’t look at people and paid no attention to us. After giving him a short ride in the car, we dropped him off with our best wishes that he find a good home -- with somebody else.

It wasn’t a waste of time because it helped us figure out more about the process of getting a dog and the clarity we need to have. But it made me realize how vulnerable I am to choosing the wrong dog because I want a dog back in my life so badly. I suppose this is how people end up dating the wrong person “on the rebound” after a split-up.

And I am haunted by the way that Pit Bull mix wouldn’t look at us. From the moment we met, Winston did everything in his power to read and charm human beings, all human beings. Maybe that trait is rarer than I thought.

The whole incident reminded me again of how special it was that Winston came out of nowhere and adopted us. He was a stray who found us, like an angel sent from heaven. I still miss him so much. It’s hard to let go of searching for a dog that looks like Winston, or that somehow IS Winston.

I’m trying to focus on attracting the right new dog to me. Not reacting or searching, but knowing what I want -- a very friendly, loving dog -- and finding it.

I think it will help to go to a rescue organization where the counselors can steer me toward appropriate dogs based on their knowledge of many dogs and discussion with me and Dillon.

Harlequin Great Dane has his day in the sun

My Harlequin Great Dane mix Winston lay down in the sun on a happy day in late summer last year. I love remembering this happy day with my Big Boy.

Harlequin Great Dane in alligator pose

Sometimes our Harlequin Great Dane mix got into a position that we call “alligator pose.” He's flattened out like a gator.

I uploaded lots of Winston videos today. If you’d like to see them, click here to visit my YouTube video page.

Dog kisses

Here's a new favorite photo of Winston kissing me.