A spirit-dog cares for Winston

Last night we made Winston sleep in the bathroom on a yoga mat covered with newspapers to soak up his urine.

When I woke up in the morning I felt something I’ve never felt before: Relief that Winston wasn’t with me. I didn’t have to worry about where he was peeing or hear his endless, anxious licking. I had reached a new place in my journey with Winston. I lingered in bed, enjoying the respite.

Then Dillon’s alarm went off, and Winston started whimpering. I opened the bathroom door and we had a happy reunion among the soaked newspapers. It smelled like a whole kennel full of dogs.

I got some fresh newspapers and petted him as we lay together on the living room floor. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought of the song “The Rose.”

Later (10 pm)
People kept telling me to consider my dog’s quality of life in deciding whether the time for euthanasia had come. I kept thinking Winston’s quality of life was still good. Until today, when for the first time I could really see a problem.

It struck me when Dillon and I shut Winston in the bathroom and left to go on a walk in the park without him. Normally we would have taken him with us, but it’s impossible for him to go for a walk outside now. I missed Winston and felt sad thinking of him shut alone in the bathroom, lying in his own urine.

One thought helped me: I imagined/prayed that Winston was not really alone, but that a spirit dog was with him. Dillon and I always believed that a spirit dog had guided Winston to us originally. Now that spirit dog has come to guide Winston again.

When we got home, Winston seemed to be at peace. He was glad to see us, but it didn’t seem like he had missed us too much. Instead, he appeared to be refreshed by his afternoon nap in the bathroom.